How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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