so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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