around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
