Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
