He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
