sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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