Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
