I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
