can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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