why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
