WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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