How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
