my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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