I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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