take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Randomize
