I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
