My sheets look like a crime scene.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
