Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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