If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
