is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We need to rekindle our bromance
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
