I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
