okay pat passed out under dana's car
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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