I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
