why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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