I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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