Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
