Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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