Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
