haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
