you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
