Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
