OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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