He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
