Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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