There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
