So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
