I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
