Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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