Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
