im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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