You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
