You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
