I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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