I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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