I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
