Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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