Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
