I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
