I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
