Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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